Whatever Happened to Slappy Squirrel? ~ Ch2

"Your first job!" came the excited voice over the phone, "Betty, that's fantastic!"

"I know, I know," Betty sighed, leaning back in her chair in the old Los Angeles office of Valiant and Valiant, "I guess there's no going back now. I work for Toons."

"Your gramps would be proud of you if he were still here," her father said, "You're continuing the family business."

"Wish I could have met him," said Betty.

"So what's the case?"

"Slappy Squirrel's gone missing. You heard of her?"

"Slappy Squirrel…" she could almost hear her father thinking. His mind had become like a Toon encyclopedia over the years, "Ah, old Maroon Cartoons star who got purchased by Warner Bros. after Marvin Acme died. She was on that Animaniacs show a few years back right?"

"More like twenty years ago dad. I used to watch that when I was a little girl remember?"

"Twenty years seems like just a few years ago when you get to be my age," her father chuckled, "Well you better go find her. Old lady like that should be safe at home."

Betty pursed her lips, but chose not to elaborate on the case any further.

"Look Betty, I know you weren't thrilled about inheriting the family business. I think you would have been a great cop. I'm sorry we couldn't pay off your student loans…"

"You've apologized a million times, dad. I'm over it."

"I know, but I'm still sorry. This job won't make your rich, and it probably won't get you hired onto the law force in the long run, but I think the more you do it, the more you'll enjoy it. Happiness is more important than money."

"They're never going to take me seriously after this," Betty lamented, "Once you've worked for Toons, that's it. No law enforcement agency in the world will hire me on now."

"On the bright side, you don't have a lot of competition in the field. Valiant and Valiant is still the only game in town when it comes to this stuff."

"I guess so. Look, they want me down at the police station in thirty minutes, I guess they're questioning a suspect. I'll talk to you later."

They said their good-byes, and Betty hung up her cell phone, putting it in her pocket as she eyed the antique phone on the desk. Things hadn't changed much in this office since the 1940's, except maybe the addition of a computer and some new pictures on the walls. The walls were adorned with old pictures of Eddie Valiant and his brother Teddy; his wife Dolores with their baby son Freddy, and then Freddy holding his baby daughter Betty. Rhyming names was a thing in their family; just like cartoon character names. In both of the newer pictures on the wall was the old family friend Roger Rabbit, a proud godfather, beaming. Newspaper clippings were framed on the wall as well; "Valiant Clears Boris and Natasha of Soviet Espionage Charges"; "Valiant Rescues Trixie and Dixie From Hungry Feline". The headlines stopped after the 1960's, when Toon Town was sealed off, and the press became quiet about Toon news, and Eddie Valiant himself retired. His obituary hung in the office, from 1972, and next to it, an article about his son taking over the business.

But Freddy's exploits remained unreported. Nothing on the time he prevented Shredder and Krang from invading Los Angeles with the Technodrome, for example. Eventually, even he got too old for the gig, much to his wife June's relief. When Betty was young they'd often fight over how Freddy was endangering himself in Toon Town, was rarely home, and how his job barely made enough money to pay the rent each month. Now that Toon Town was shut off, he was only called in to do the jobs that involved Toons and their interactions in the Real World. There was a reason Valiant and Valiant became the only detective agency specializing in Toons. Betty still remembered how they'd often resort to getting food for free from churches, shopping at thrift stores for clothes, and other undignified cost-cutting measures it took to still be able to afford living in Los Angeles. This was why Betty had wanted to do something different with her life. She was 27 years old, she wanted to finally be financially independent and live on her own now that she was done with college. But instead, she was stuck. Stuck because she just couldn't cut it in the police academy.

Betty got up, putting an old fedora hat on over her red hair, and fastening a belt around her trenchcoat. She hadn't told her father the real nature of this case; he probably would be less than thrilled. Slappy Squirrel wasn't just lost; she'd escaped, breaching her contract because of some sort of disagreement with the studio. Betty was just playing fetch for a greedy corporation. Perhaps her father and grandfather wouldn't have been proud of her for taking this case, but business was business. Maybe, just maybe, she'd impress someone higher up if she did this job well. Maybe she'd start making enough money to afford to live on her own, and pay off her loans. Maybe the job experience on her resume could help her get a real job. She could become a real police officer, and work on real cases involving real human beings, like she'd wanted.

That is, if anyone would take her seriously after this…which she doubted. Nope, she'd be stuck working for Toons for the rest of her life, and being dirt poor too, paying for a criminology degree that had gotten her nowhere. Irritably, she exited the door.

-------------------------------------

Bugs Bunny looked relaxed as he sat in the interrogation room, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the table. A police officer tossed a box onto the table. Curiously, Bugs opened it.

"Donuts? Donuts?! I don't eat donuts! Ain't ya never watched any of my cartoons? What a couple of maroons."

"Listen rabbit," said the officer, "I'm not gonna go down to the super market and buy you a bag of carrots. You want your carrots so bad, answer our questions and we'll let you go."

"You can't hold me without a warrant forever," Bugs said, pulling out a book from out of nowhere, titled 'How to Multiply'.

Bugs looked at the book, and blushed, "Wrong book."

He instead took another book out, a book on Criminal Law, opening it, "See? Says right here. What's my crime?"

"Stealing an intellectual property," came the voice of Jefferson, as he entered the room, and got in Bugs' face "A copyright violation."

"How can one intellectual property steal anotha?" Bugs asked, "I'm no lawyer doc, but I think you'll have a tough time makin' the charge stick."

Jefferson thought for a moment, giving an angry stare at Bugs, who kissed his nose. Jefferson wiped his nose and scowled, exiting the room again. As he did, he saw Betty Valiant walking down the hall of the police station.

"Ah, Ms. Valiant. I'm Rodney Jefferson, Chief Executive of Warner Bros.' animation unit. I know you're new, but given your family's reputation, I thought you were the woman for the job. Please, step this way."

Betty entered the room behind the two-way mirror with him.

"Thank you, Mr. Jefferson," she said, looking through the glass at Bugs Bunny, "So, we have our first suspect then?"

"That rabbit just won't talk," Jefferson said irritably, "It's nothing but smart-ass replies with him. He knows he's too valuable to be fired, he doesn't respond to any of our threats. We can't keep him here much longer without probable cause. We know he dug the tunnel that Slappy escaped through; though that may not technically be a crime."

"Think he did it to help Slappy escape?"

"As a matter of fact we do," Jefferson replied, "Slappy was smart enough to fill the tunnel up as she went, we're still searching for the other side. But we know it led into Toon Town."

"So I take it you're sending me there?"

"Yes we are, as soon as you've gathered what you can from this rabbit; if he decides to talk."

It was a big job for someone just starting out, but Betty knew why she'd been chosen; not only because of her family name, but because she worked for cheap, and no other detective in the state would want to take a case that involved them going into Toon Town. It was dangerous. You could end up with an anvil on your head, or worse.

"Will I have help?" she asked.

"You'll report to the Mayor of Toon Town, who'll assign you a guide and body guard," Jefferson replied, "The Toon Patrol is on it too, you'll be working in conjunction with them as well. The studio has spared no expense. We need this squirrel."

"Or else Baby Animaniacs won't happen," She mused, "How tragic."

Jefferson was not amused.

"Be grateful we've hired a kid like you. Now get in there and do your job."

She promptly turned and left the room, entering the interrogation room. The two police officers looked like they'd just about had it trying to drill Bugs for information.

"Who's the broad, eh?" Bugs asked, taking a carrot from what appeared to be a fur pocket on his thigh and munching on it.

"Betty Valiant, Private Eye," she replied, sitting across the table from him.

"Valiant? As in…Valiant and Valiant?" Bugs blinked.

"Eddie's grand-daughter," she said, "Look, it would be easier for us both if you just told me what you know about Slappy Squirrel. Where that tunnel led, and where she might have gone. Even if you deliberately helped her escape, I doubt your consequences would be very dire."

Bugs frowned, "Why da noive. You want me ta rat on Slappy, so you can catch her and have her undergo somethin' she don't wanna undergo. And you call yourself a Valiant."

His words stung. But she persisted.

"This isn't 1947 anymore. I have to take what job I can get," she replied, "Besides, you yourself are a flash cartoon now; being CG isn't so bad is it? Seems to me that Slappy is just being stubborn."

"Eddie Valiant fought for the rights of us Toons, even when his heart wasn't in it," said Bugs, "I don't mind bein' digitized but Slappy should have da right ta stay a 2D ink-and-paint Toon if she wants to. And I should have more creative control ova my own projects. Space Jam 2, ha! I'd almost rather be in a Loonatics Unleashed reboot."

Bugs slapped his hand over his mouth, looking at the two-way mirror.

"Don't tell them I mentioned dat," he whispered, "It might give 'em ideas…"

"You did sign those studio contracts that gave them so much power over you," Betty said, "I know you couldn't have predicted the advent of computers or TV shows in 1940 or whatever, but both you and Slappy should have known what you were getting yourselves into."

"Real chip off da old block you are, eh? Does your dad know about dis?"

"This isn't about me, or my dad," said Betty.

Bugs munched on his carrot some more.

"Alright doc, I wanna get outta here, so I'll tell ya all that I'm gonna tell ya. And dat's it. Slappy and I weren't dat close, but she opened my eyes to somethin' today. We Toons from da Golden Age are nothin' betta than slaves. Yeah we signed those contracts, but dat's what you had ta do ta get anywhere in them days. It ain't fair. We should have had them renegotiated at some point in da last 70 years. No flesh-and-blood human actor has ta put up with dis. We should have control over our lives. And dats why I dug dat tunnel for her. So at least one of us from them days can be free. I didn't wanna see another vintage Toon go through the kinds of things the Looney Tunes gang, Tom and Jerry or Mickey Mouse and his pals go through."

"So you did dig the tunnel for her on purpose."

"Ehhh, sure did. And it don't lead ta Albuquerque either. You'll have betta luck findin' Carmen Sandiego and Waldo."

"We'll see about that," said Betty, scribbling notes in a notebook, "Anything else?"

"As Porky Pig would say, 'That's all, folks'! Now get outta here kid, ya bother me."

"Very well then," Betty said, getting up.

"You know, you won't last one day in Toon Town before ya quit da case," Bugs remarked.

"You think I'll give up? I can handle Toon Town, I'm not afraid."

"No, dats not it. I think yer conscience will kick in. By the way, say hi to Roger for me when you get there, will ya? You will visit him right? I think he knows Slappy."

Betty stared at Bugs for a few moments, before turning and leaving.